Lace...

dreams...

I need more room, I need big oceans and endless highways. I need space on the shelf, the chance to be myself, room to breath, time to grieve, moments to keep and smiles to seek. I'm chasing change, tired of living in my cloudy imagination.

Procrastination is fear disguised as laziness. In a few short weeks I will be all alone, in a new town, with a new job, a new apartment, not knowing a soul. Sounds like bliss, sounds like hell, sounds like something I was made for. Jumping in head first, wearing armour made from false bravado, the facade of certainty masking the doubts running through my mind. My fierce independence and ever changing dreams lead me all over the place. Maybe this time I will stay in the same place long enough to see every season change...

Ridiculously amazing...

I've missed blogging so much over the last few weeks. My life has been upside down and back to front I haven't renewed my Internet connection, so I am currently writing this from a seedy Internet cafe feeling rather sorry for myself.

This weekend has been fan-bloody-tastic. I've had drinks with friends, for the first time in months I have let myself sleep in and press snooze every ten minutes for a good hour. I've read the Vogue and Bazaar September issues at least 3 times over and lost myself in the adds and gloss.

I am noticing small "incredibles" everywhere today, I am finding myself reaching into the little pockets of life I ignore when I am on top of the world. Things are tough and I am reminded that everyone is so ridiculously amazing when your life falls apart. When your left stuck, stranded and sad, it softens the heart to life's beauty and humanity. When the world turns cold and every window feels like a locked door, other peoples struggle becomes real. Love to the world, to every weird individual, to each untold story and unknown pain. Your all god damned beautiful.

Freedom of the highway...ahh Byron Bay

This week has been a wild cocktail of tears, heart ache and finding my way. I took some time out and went to Byron Bay for a few days. I became a couch dweller. I laughed, cried and talked my heart out. I drank too much, danced all night, slept all day and ate disgusting, delicious chips and watched bad tv. I let my hair get dirty. I went make-up free. I asked questions. I found answers. I walked along the beach and felt my heart opening up to the world, the future, the things I want and the things that need to change. I re-connected. I blasted old songs in my car and felt the freedom of the highway bringing me back to life. I made promises to myself. I let go. I found myself again and it felt amazing.

Home...

I arrived back on the Gold Coast last night after a weekend back home in Canberra. I was overcome with emotion on the plane, choking back tears with thoughts of family running through my mind. For some reason flight attendants don't seem to understand that the tears running down my face mean I don't want to purchase anything off the ala cart menu and I certainly do not want a headset! The strangers next to me appear incapable of minding their own business and interrupt my wallowing and self indulgent nostalgia. The vast night sky outside the tiny window reminds me of my insignificance. The tiny lights of civilisation below whisper loneliness, scattered along the way like hundreds and thousands. I'm reminded how fragile life is, how quickly warmth and comfort can turn into cold reality. Home feels so far away.

My sisters are my best friends in the world, they are my heart and soul, so beautiful, accepting and unique. I find freedom in their company and peace in their presence. Bridgette and Fi, Budge and Goose, my little wings, I love you more than words can say xx



The tree outside my bedroom window back home, was only a foot tall when we moved in ...it amazes me every time.



Nick and Dads rally car



My beautiful mum



Loving the new watch Bridgie gave Fi for her birthday



Family lunch





Me and Fi x





Blue jean baby...

Big sky's, bright smiles, white lace, kids birthday parties, fairy floss, white tanks, sparkling water, quiet moments, young love, 50's, Friday afternoons, reunions with friends, learning to surf, swatches of fabrics, brand new bondsies, words of wisdom, cheese and crackers with wine, silver chains, starting over, hope, possibilities, memories.