Monday, May 7, 2012

4 months later...

Four long months have passed since my last post and I am so happy to see that the internet has not swallowed up my blog! Still here, familiar as an old friend, the same pictures and thoughts that inspired me all those months ago still making my heart sing.

I have been living life very differently since my last post. The knee injury has mostly healed up now, but it will be a long wait for surgery so I will have to be constrained for the time being, no running around like a maniac bubbling with energy and lust for life. Work has been harder to find than Wheres Bloody Wally and his stupid walking stick! I have always been the girl who can't sit still, the girl who has to be constantly working and improving. Unemployed has always been a gross word to me, made even worse by lack of choice, like a victim of circumstance my life has brought me here. While not entirely true, this is 80% choice, it certainly feels that way at times.

I have been considering the idea of self recognition and identity being tied to certain things; jobs, apartments, image, life direction. In many ways I hardly know myself anymore, except I am exactly the same person, with the same positivity, drive and passion for life. It doesn't matter so much what you do, despite the world conditioning us to attach our identity to a title, a position or a role. Sometimes no matter what we hope for or who we create ourselves to be, we are dealt a circumstance that renders us foreign to ourselves and every notion we had of "who we are".

What I'm wearing...

Slayer singlet made from an old tee

Sheep collar leather jacket.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

A million miles away...

I have been far, far away in a land of emails, phone calls, budgets, wages, profits, losses and office politics for about 4 months. I moved house, moved cities and found myself in a job insanely demanding and soul destroying. I moved on from an unhappy relationship and I stumbled across a new one, literally, in Pitt Street Mall while at a conference for said soul destroying job. Sometimes luck strikes on unknown streets, at unlikely times. I lived for the weekends and tried with all my might to contain my flighty, free spirit into a box for a company that did not reflect my values. I kept at it, learned a lot and re-discovered my independence.

I hurt my knee a week ago and have had a quiet restful couple of days back at mums place. The universe has given me too  much time to ponder on life. A friend told me the right knee symbolizes life direction. She is possibly a genius, potentially a fortune teller, or just plain knows me really well, because the direction of my life has suddenly changed completely.

Big corporate greed tried to pull me with it's tides but my integrity kept on knocking on the door inside my heart. I quit. Bang, see ya later. I never could bite my tongue, I will always shout out, pay out, run out, when things do not feel right in my heart. It seems the little rebel inside me still enjoys making a song and dance when my integrity is at stake and my happiness is under threat. Probably, I will never grow out of that.

I want to contribute to more than a CEO's obscene bank balance. I miss sweet summer afternoons when the phone doesn't ring and I feel free, if only for a few hours. Cheers to running away and chasing what is right, cheers to my family for being such a crazy mix of intelligent, unique, hilarious individuals and reminding me what is important in life. Cheers to starting over, no matter what age and how many times, it is never too late.